People Try To Put Us Down...

Talking 'bout my Generation

[The Who  - My Generation]

Too true. We are always getting labeled everything that's wrong to be. And the worst part? We do nothing now that the previous generations haven't already done before us, we're just more open about it.


Whereas the generations before us sat about waiting for Mr Right or Prince Charming to come along and sweep them off their feet [or at least that was the public appearance they put on it] finding someone of our age doing the same is rare. 


And it's not just us who picked up on this. Anyone else remember GHD'd Twisted Fairytales a few years ago? With Cinderella et al running away before their Prince Charming's got there to save them? Those ad's re branded GHD, and our lifestyles.


Because now we, * big shock*, don't hang about and wait for the right one, we go for the one right now. And he can come along in a few different formats, some better than others, none of which the generations before us are comfortable with. Be this they really are just prudes or old fashioned, or they might just be uncomfortable with our openness about situations. Why hide it or pretend that its something its not? Be honest. And fuck the haters.


Right now can be any of [or more than just one of] the following:

1. The One Night Stand - where you sleep with the person, normally after a night of over indulgence of alcohol [or other substances if that's what your into] and you don't repeat the process.
2. The Accident Fuck Buddy - When the one night stands ends up being a weekend stand. For whatever reason you end up with the same person at random weekends, always having casual sex while not having any other contact.
3. The Fuck Buddy - Someone you meet up with, with the sole purpose of having sex. No chit chat, no cuddles, just sex.
4. The Friend With Benefits - A good friend you come to a mutual agreement with that you will have sex with each other on a semi regular basis, but without it changing anything else in your already formed friendship
5. The "Boyfriend" - you're only with this person, but he tends to change every [few] month[s].

Some of these work. Some don't. It all depends on you as a person. My conclusion is the "boyfriend" is too much drama, the one night stands are too sleazy. Fuck Buddy would be the best option, you have the none of the drama, without the pretense that it won't change the friendship. But when the feelings start, get the fuck out!

Of course, society doens't really like any of these, but "go ahead and talk sit, talk shit about me, and go ahead and talk shit about my g-g-generation" [Limp Bizkit - My Generation]

After discussing "which Disney character you are" at college today got me thinking about the Disney Princess's. One take on Snow White was that she was a hussy for living with seven random men that she found in a forest and then ran off with the first guy that she saw when she woke up from her "death." Fair point there. This got me thinking about some of the other characters from Disney and how messed up they are, or are thought of now. Here goes my take on the Disney Princesses.

1. First off I kinda agree with the take on Snow White. She's all innocent and fourteen. And her stepmother views her a threat? Really? She's still just a kid! Then the woodsman guy lets her off because she's beautiful, she lives with the Seven Dwarfs, who she cooks and cleans for and pretty much becomes their housewife, then runs off with the Prince, who only rescued her because he had also fallen in love with her beauty. Nice. Also, she had to be saved by true loves first kiss. That could have gone totally wrong if she wasn't in a fairy tale. 
2. Next Cinderella. The poor girl gets abused by her step-mother and step-sisters after losing both her parents. Her life pretty much sucks. But her friends, the animals of the estate, make her a pretty dress to wear to the ball. Evil step-family wreck her dress. Fairy Godmother makes a new one with magic. Yay. Cinderella goes to the ball and her and Prince Charming fall in love instantly, hard to believe that they can be so in love without actually speaking to each other or knowing each other but hey whatever they want. She runs away, he stalks her across the country with her shoe, creepy but it worked. Happily ever after.
3. Aurora. *Why do all the Princesses have strange names?!* Anyway, she is so important that the whole kingdom gets a holiday, nice one. But oh wait, really it's just an excuse to use her to betroth her to Prince Phillip so that their kingdoms are always friends. Great birthday present! Cue evil fairy curse (death/enchanted sleep) and good fairy gifts (beauty, singing and not death just enchanted sleep). After years of being lied to about her identity Aurora meets a random guy in the forest, again the whole love at first sight. Aha. Next devastation about being lied to, enchanted sleep, an entire kingdom under a spell and oh coincidently, random guy turns out to be the prince who swoops in and save the day. No heartbreak for that two. 
4. Now Belle. She appears smart and not as pathetic as the rest can be. She even reads instead of singing and making friends with animals. None of these princesses have very good people skills evidently. And she rejects Gaston, who to be fair is a bit of an asshole. Arrogant and just wants a mother/housewife. Belle had the balls to reject this, which is a good sign. She also has the balls to go save her dad and put up with the Beast. She does try to escape but oh wait, Beast has a heart and saves her from wolves.Cute. She nurses him and they fall for each other. Followed by alot of crap from Gaston, Belle and Beast (really a prince) live happily ever after too.
5. Finally Jasmine *Pocahontas and Mulan aren't quite as bad as the rest* Jasmines dad is trying to make her get married. She disagrees with this. In swoops Aladdin. He lies to her through the majority of their relationship, but after saving her he finally comes clean. They get married. Good on you, love the guy that fed you a load of bull to make you fall for him. 

Great roles models. And great false expectations. Maybe one day the guy who always lies to you will become your prince. Or running away and loosing a shoe will help you get a guy. Or just be an amazing housewife. No thanks. Real life is so much more interesting. Be right back away to find a fictional prince.

*Also Ariel is kinda the worst. But that rant would take too much time.

Summer Lovin....

The movie Grease. We all love it, it's cute, sing songy film about love conquering all, sort of, and the cool kids, being kind of arseholes to the "geeks", getting the happy ever after they want, and a whole list of things that are bad influences on kids.

1. Lets take the whole purity think first. Sandy is "too pure to be pink." She's in high school, and is a non smoking virgin who doesn't drink. Big deal. But for the Pink Ladies that is a sign of being "lame." Poor Sandy, not only do they bitch about her, they sing about it. Harsh.
2. Next the sex. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl. Boy goes and sings about non existent sex to friends. Same time girl sings about boy being sweet and cute etc, not knowing that boy is lying to his friends, and is at the same school, and her new friends know the boy. Also, seeing more than one guy at time - go for it. Sneaking out to have unprotected sex - go for it. Sing about it all - go for it! There is worse things I could do.....teasing the guy is worse than sleeping around, staying home waiting on the right guy is worse. Yes, yeah that's it.
3. Smoking. Smoking is what the cool kids do. So in that case smoke. There is cigarettes in nearly every scene, even in the sports scene. Next cool thing to do - drink.
4. Gangs are cool. Especially gangs with clever names. Pink Ladies, T Birds... The gang is even better if you have a rival gang. 
5. Finally, they guy will try to change for you, but realistically, you will change for him. You will smoke, you will become ok with pre-marital sex, you will dress like a slag. And he will love it.

Moral of the story, become a different person, act cool and change who you are, then the cool kids will like you and the coolest boy will fall for you. Sorted. Be right back, away to find a new me...

**I love the film. 

Someone Like You

"Never mind I'll find someone like you..." Well thank god for that, we don't need to find someone like Adele, because unfortunately everywhere we turn Adele is screaming, or rather moaning, in our faces. Get over it, I already have.

It was over from day one, with that song "Chasing Pavements." Yes, please give up for a while. Either record new songs, actually go to at least one of your scheduled gigs or get out of my face.

Yes, Adele is talented, she has an amazing voice, and if I could sing like her then I would. But move on. There are only so much times I can hear "Someone Like You" before it gets ridiculous. 

Rant over.

You're getting old...

At the ripe old age of twenty going on twenty one I have came to the conclusion, I am getting old. It is an unfortunate event that I must finally face up to, along with the fact that yes, one day I might turn thirty, and no it is not that big a deal. Who am I kidding, chances my liver and lungs, or my sanity, will hold out another nine years? Not likely.

Now adays the thought of a three day drinking binge is painful, the hangovers alone are agony these days, dying might be less painful. Tomorrow I am going out, and am considering not only not drinking much (a hangover at work the next is a not a thought I want to entertain right now) but also wearing flat shoes. Wearing heels feels like too much effort now unless it's a Saturday night. And dressing appropriately for the weather. The list is endless.

So here is some signs you're getting old:

1. Drinking becomes a challenge. Shots go out of the window, a night out is started with "no jager tonight," followed by "maybe a few sambucca, but no more than that," and "one or two tequila is ok I suppose." Drinking games feel barbaric and pre drinking involves a few glasses of wine, instead of a few bottles.
2. While out you tend to avoid clubs that are "too busy." If you can't move then you don't go any more, if it's too cold outside then you avoid smoking. If the toilets are horrible (which the majority of time they are) then you try to avoid going.
3. The hangovers are killer. A whole day in bed feels like the best way to recuperate. And if you need to do anything that day the thought is painful. Even the smell of a drink makes you feel sick, and food is best avoided the majority of the day.
4. When you see 6am it's no longer because you are just going to bed. Bed time is now half 10, 11 at a push. After having a nap earlier that day. 6am is now the time you get up, sober, for work etc. And a "late night" is staying up past midnight.
5. Everything starts to hurt. Constantly. Especially after anything that required minimal effort. 
6. When people phone you after 9ish they ask if they woke you, before telling you how tired you sound. Then get off the phone quickly so they can let you sleep.
7. You actually eat breakfast, for breakfast. Instead of chocolate, crisps and other junk food before 9am classes, and "breakfast foods" for lunch or dinner. As much as chocolate for meals sounds amazing the thought of it...

Chronicle

** Warning - Spoiler Alert **

We went to see Chronicle last week. The adverts for it make it look so much more interesting than it actually is! Basically, three guys find a hole and go down it, a big glowing thing gives them weird telekinesis power stuff and not only can they make objects fly, they can make themselves fly. Queue a very long time of them messing about these super powers, before one of them goes mad with power, kills his new BFF and ends up getting killed with his cousin, wiping out half the town in the process. The shaky camera at the start just makes you feel ill, the middle is way too long and drawn out, however the ending does bring the rest of the film back up, if it is somewhat predictable. And explaining the whole glowing thing giving them powers really would have helped make the film. 

The film has way too many clichés in it. 

1. Unpopular guy, broken home (sick mum, violent alcoholic father) and no friends? Check.
2. After getting superpowers boy attacks violent alcohol father?                                Check
3. Unpopular guy has "cool" cousin and suddenly becomes BFF's with cousin and cousin's football start friend, who ditches his own friends and girlfriend.            Check
4. Unpopular guy develops his powers more and more (namely because he has more free time) and subsequently goes mad with power, killing football star, and going mental at cousin.                                                                                                                  Check

Amongst others. Every plot development in the film plays on a clichés, and not in a good way. Some clichés are good, the chick flicks always being the geeky girl gets the guy in the end (She's All That, Cinderella Story, Chalet Girl), the horror film that the slutty girl will always die, and the killer will need to be "killed" a few times to really die, and the action films, the "hero" will always save the day and get the girl.

Real Life

The most popular new craze right now, "reality" shows, where we get to see into the lives of "real" people who have "real" lives. But in reality, these shows are nowhere near real, or nothing like real life. The cast all drive flash cars, own their own shops, clubs and businesses, have expansive designer wardrobes we can only dream of, and are mostly in their early 20's.

What started as an American craze, with shows such as "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills," we are now faced with an army of fake tanned, hair extensions, fake nailed, fakes. And that's not just the girls. These people have been skyrocketed into super stardom. Walk into a room full of people and they will know what The Only Way Is Essex is, they will know about Lauren and Mark's messed up relationship, they will know Joey's cute stupidity.  

We have a society that feeds on celebrity gossip, and now all you have to do to be classed as a celebrity is to be lucky enough to live in the right area and get a film crew following you around. And these people don't even have to be friends with the original cast members, auditions are held every series to find the next star, and then they are fit into the show, manipulated by producers to fit in.

So far in the UK we have "Made in Chelsea," who are all pretentious, I have a hard time believing the situations they find themselves in, randomly deciding to just jet off to luxurious locations and throwing spurr of the moment elaborate parties.

We have "TOWIE," who are too orange to be real. Whenever a star gets too big for their boots they quite, go on some "celebrity" reality show and join a host of other Z-List celebs who are clinging to their 5 minutes of fame. Then a new character just happens to appear, who just happens to "meet" a love interest and be besties with the other characters.

Finally, "Desperate Sousewives," which I have never watched, but I have been told it's worse than the others.

I will admit, as much as I think they are fake, I will watch these shows. And I will bitch about the people, read articles about them, and follow them on Twitter. But just know, these shows are loosely scripted, they are NOT real.

Scot's the Way

So yet another Burns day has just passed. A Scottish tradition for hundreds of years, involving poems that are barley understandable in today's culture, and the stabbing of a haggis. 

At every wedding you attend you will hear some combination of The Proclaimers "500 Miles," "Flower of Scotland," "Auld Lang Syne," and "Loch Lommond." Every single excuse you can think of is a justifiable reason to go for a night out, the slightest bit of sunlight is an excuse to dress for "summer," and if we were all to talk how we do at home, even the next town along wouldn't understand what you were saying.

When other countries think of Scotland, they think Braveheart, whisky, haggis, tartan and good old Nessie. The stereotypes that have shaped public opinion on our great nation. 

But within Scotland we all have our own stereotypes of ourselves, some of them are funny and most of them you hear or read and think that is so true:

1. When you go abroad you will have to correct people that no you are not English, and no you're not naturally ginger, and you don't know that person they met once who lives 400 miles away from you, because no, not everybody in Scotland knows each other.
2. Buckfast, Lambrini and White Lightening are for desperate measures only, and we have ALL tried them at some point or another.
3. You can easily tell people that yes Nessie is real, and Haggis is a real animal, with one leg shorter than the rest, and do this without laughing.
4. Swearing like a trooper is no big deal, it is acceptable for every second word out your mouth to be "fucking."
5. You're British when your winning, but back to being Scottish when you lose.

Man Up...

Watching the Twilight Saga and OMG Bella really needs to grow a pair of balls! Could she be any more pathetic? Saying that, she's bad enough in the film, in the book she is even worse. She sees the guy and instantly falls in love, pines after some guy that hasn't even spoke to her, acts a bit pathetic, finally gets with him when he saves her from some other guys she can't fight off then ditches all her friends to worship the ground he walks on.  All the while trying to avoid being eaten by him or his family. She then nearly dies because of him but has a mental break down when he mentions leaving her. All in the one film. Yes Robert Pattinson is hot as, but really get over it! 

So take the next film, New Moon, oh no he leaves her. Queue a montage of her sitting for months upon months staring out a window looking depressed. You're 18, move on. Suddenly, shiny new hot Jacob appears and Edward is out of the window, until she almost kills her self and has delusions of him appearing. He's not real you are clearly just way too obsessed! A lot of stupid behaviour later and she saves him from killing himself because life just can't go on if their not together.

Third film, Eclipse, the scary vampire from the first one is coming after her, oh no. So get an entire vampire family and wolf pack to look after you and fight for you. Why protect yourself? 

Bella, man up. Never really noticed before how annoying she is with it all. Think about it, with True Blood Sookie fights just as much as the supernatural people do, she doesn't hide behind the guys to protect her. And Vampire Diaries, Elena tries to fight, and helps come up with the plans, but Bella just pathetically whimpers in the background, trying to convince Edward nothing can go wrong in their strange relationship. In Spiderman, Mary Jane gets kidnapped, but through no doing of her own, she still tries to fight out of it. In all the horror films out there the damsel in distress still at least try to survive and get out.

PS. I love Twilight :)

The Lion King

So everybody talks about the great films that teach you life lessons, the classics and all that. Well to be honest I probably haven’t seen most of the films. Give me a good horror, chick flick or anything with some eye candy to look at and I’m happy. Amongst my favourite films are the likes of “Dirty Dancing,” which to be fair is a classic, but not really the thing you watch to learn about life, it’s more of a rainy day, duvet and ice cream film. And there’s the heart wrenching “Remember Me,” that a lot of people dismiss as “the guy from Twilight,” and assume will be a yet another cheesy generic chick flick, but turns out to be a devastating tale of misguided love and tragedy.  

But my all-time favourite film, ever since I was a kid, has to be “The Lion King,” and its sequel “The Lion King 2, Simba’s Pride.” I know it’s a kids film, and really, at 20 years old I should be over it, and have a more mature sounding favourite film, and after all these years I should defiantly be over crying every time Mufasa dies and give up hope that he will wake up and everything will be ok. But I’m not and I haven’t, because no matter how many times I see Simba’s poor shattered, bawling face I can’t help but cry with him. That’s just me.

Along with making me cry like a lost puppy every time I watch it, both “The Lion King,” and its sequel have taught me, and subsequently everyone who has watched it a good few lessons. 

1. People will do things, things that they shouldn't, and they will blame it on you, and consequently convince all your family it is your fault, before finally admitting to everybody it was them. The key here, don't listen when you’re crazy uncle tells you to run away. He IS evil, especially with a name like Scar, that one is kind of a giveaway.
2. Next - Hakuna Matata. "It means no worries, for the rest of your days." So listen to the Meerkat, because we all know talking meerkat’s are the way to go. 

1. Your family might be gone, but they live on in you. They will never be far away from you. 
2. The past hurts; you know life sucks and all that. “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or ... learn from it." You can't escape from the past, you can't forget about it and you can't outrun it. But you can stop history repeating itself and learn from your mistakes.
3. Finally - the entire sequel teaches that different races (Simba's lions and the "outsiders") should be together as one, and that we should be tolerant towards anybody and everybody.

Live. Love. Laugh.

So 103 year old Gladys thinks that key to a long life is no men and good living. If that’s the case I must only have a few weeks to live, so goodbye cruel world. To raise my morale, and at least let me think that I will make it until the inevitable 2012 debacle, I decided to look the secrets of youth. There’s the usual, don’t smoke, don’t drink, eat healthy, exercise, eat your greens, avoid stress, all very boring, very normal and the total opposite of my lifestyle. This is not looking very good for me. It was nice knowing you all.

However, maybe not all hope is lost, as long as I don’t eat cold cooking oil (although why you would…?), chew my food, continue to breathe every day, and don’t wear tight underwear, then I still have a chance. This is starting to sound a little bit crazy. Another tip from this website, which will remain un-named, is that if you suffer from an eating disorder, take up smoking, “it could save your life”. Right, so don’t eat, smoke, breathe and void tight clothing and you will live forever.

Taking all this is, I have discovered the easiest way to stay young, lie about your age! But this will not help you live longer; it will just make your life seam a lot shorter. But these are some good (and fun) tips to help. And I like the sounds of there a lot more than Gladys’s.

1. Drink red win. I will admit I prefer rose, but if it’s in the name of health I will not argue. A glass or two a day will keep you young, they have some kind of antioxidant them. So drink up on that sneaky glass after work.
2. Eat dark chocolate. The chocolate also has the antioxidant’s, plus lowers your blood pressure, shame its not milk chocolate though. Thornton’s here I come.
3. Smile J Easy. Smiling is infectious, so smile, smile, smile. Be happy and you will live. Even faking a smile will eventually bring on a real smile, and smiling will make you laugh and laughing is good.
4. Have more sex. More frequent sex will help you live longer. And it relaxes you, which in turn will make you smile, see point 3.
5. Sleep more. Get the right amount of sleep, even if this means you end up sleeping half the day, just do it. Sleep lets your body recover from the endurance of the day, so sleep. 

So basically, the key to a long life is to have fun. Live your life, you only have one, so live it up and don’t waste it. Live, love, laugh. That’s my motto, and to contradict my last point, you can sleep when you’re dead. I can now justify my lifestyle as extending my life. As long as the alcohol is red wine, my wild nights out, chocolate binges and sleeping all day after crazy late nights, is totally acceptable. So screw everybody that doubts I will make it into my thirties, I will outlive you all, and I will spend the remainder of my life living long, loving and laughing, until I have outlived everybody and end up lonely.

Heart Fixing

For most people sitting in a quiet room and hearing a steady ticking noise would be a worrying problem. But for the friends and family of Gary Mackie this is a normal. Twenty one year old Gary underwent valve replacement surgery last year, being half the age of the next youngest patient going through thee recovery process at the same time. The left aortic valve in Gary’s heart didn’t let the blood through, so doctor’s removed the valve and replaced it with a metal substitute, causing the constant tick everyone who knows Gary has come to know and love. To do this, doctors had to crack Gary’s ribs, break his sternum and leave him with a vast scar on his chest. 

After finding out the horrifying, devastating news of having to undergo major heart surgery, Gary put on a brave face, something not a lot of people of any age could possibly do. He held it all together to stop his family from worrying so much. “It sucked, I’m not gunna lie,” but with his family upset, it calmed down the feelings Gary was suffering. 

The recovery process was long and hard. The high dependency ward, where from the darkness the screams and crying of other patients made the experience so much worse. However, it did get better. The recovery wards kept routine, helping to build up a sense of familiarity. Gary did amazing things though. He was walking within two days, when doctors said it would take at least a week, and was home only a week after surgery, when doctors initially wanted him to stay in for three to four weeks. Not a lot of people could do that. While recovering, the process was frustrating. People kept telling him not to do things, and Gary felt a lot of his time was spend being “cooped up,” but his friends made things better, going to visit and taking him out when they could. 

The operation was the best thing to happen to Gary. During the build-up to the whole thing, Gary was thinking the worst, unable to talk about how worried he was out of fear of upsetting the people around him further, all the time the people closest to him thinking they might never see him again after the operation. But now, several months on from then, Gary “couldn’t be happier,” and feels so much better for it, he has more energy and can enjoy his life to the full, something he does a lot. And despite having to take daily medication, the doctors don’t require to see him in the foreseeable future 

The last thing Gary has to say, if your faced up the same unfortunate circumstances as him, don’t panic and talk to the people around you! Gary made it out fine, much to the relief of us all around him.