Live. Love. Laugh.

So 103 year old Gladys thinks that key to a long life is no men and good living. If that’s the case I must only have a few weeks to live, so goodbye cruel world. To raise my morale, and at least let me think that I will make it until the inevitable 2012 debacle, I decided to look the secrets of youth. There’s the usual, don’t smoke, don’t drink, eat healthy, exercise, eat your greens, avoid stress, all very boring, very normal and the total opposite of my lifestyle. This is not looking very good for me. It was nice knowing you all.

However, maybe not all hope is lost, as long as I don’t eat cold cooking oil (although why you would…?), chew my food, continue to breathe every day, and don’t wear tight underwear, then I still have a chance. This is starting to sound a little bit crazy. Another tip from this website, which will remain un-named, is that if you suffer from an eating disorder, take up smoking, “it could save your life”. Right, so don’t eat, smoke, breathe and void tight clothing and you will live forever.

Taking all this is, I have discovered the easiest way to stay young, lie about your age! But this will not help you live longer; it will just make your life seam a lot shorter. But these are some good (and fun) tips to help. And I like the sounds of there a lot more than Gladys’s.

1. Drink red win. I will admit I prefer rose, but if it’s in the name of health I will not argue. A glass or two a day will keep you young, they have some kind of antioxidant them. So drink up on that sneaky glass after work.
2. Eat dark chocolate. The chocolate also has the antioxidant’s, plus lowers your blood pressure, shame its not milk chocolate though. Thornton’s here I come.
3. Smile J Easy. Smiling is infectious, so smile, smile, smile. Be happy and you will live. Even faking a smile will eventually bring on a real smile, and smiling will make you laugh and laughing is good.
4. Have more sex. More frequent sex will help you live longer. And it relaxes you, which in turn will make you smile, see point 3.
5. Sleep more. Get the right amount of sleep, even if this means you end up sleeping half the day, just do it. Sleep lets your body recover from the endurance of the day, so sleep. 

So basically, the key to a long life is to have fun. Live your life, you only have one, so live it up and don’t waste it. Live, love, laugh. That’s my motto, and to contradict my last point, you can sleep when you’re dead. I can now justify my lifestyle as extending my life. As long as the alcohol is red wine, my wild nights out, chocolate binges and sleeping all day after crazy late nights, is totally acceptable. So screw everybody that doubts I will make it into my thirties, I will outlive you all, and I will spend the remainder of my life living long, loving and laughing, until I have outlived everybody and end up lonely.